The fact that every snowflake contains the exact same crystallized
pattern may have been shattered by researchers in the Bahamas last month. In a
lab, in a massive cold room, ice and snow experts have been attempting to
create an original snowflake for over 34 years, without success...until now.
Two unnamed Russian cold-fusion science majors, on a visit
to the island lab, got stinking drunk and, after punching two lab techs in the
face, gained access to the top secret cold room and began pushing buttons and
throwing switches at random. "You want new ice flake, I give you one
(laughing wildly)", one of the Russians, the smaller of the two, was reported
to have said. His larger companion then shoved a protesting tech over a large
snowman, turned to an important control panel, and brought his fist down onto
several crucial knobs and toggles. A predictable shower of sparks erupted from
the data banks, and almost immediately a fresh burst of snow began to fall.
An undisclosed source from the scene claims that there was
something decidedly different about this snowfall."You could just feel it,
you know? We all just stared, even the Russian guys. It was like electricity
was sizzling the air, but made of snow, you know?", the source stated. "All
of us grabbed our special equipment and analyzed the new flakes at once, and we
knew what we had. These two dolts come in here, shit-boxed, and accomplish what
we've tried to do for over three decades...we had our new snowflake pattern. It
was amazing."
Both Russian scientists were given high ranking positions
with the facility and are now attempting to recreate the success of that
evening. the tragedy is that no images were captured of the new pattern, the
lab was only equipped with two Nikon digital cameras, which, earlier in the
day, were destroyed when the two Russians took them snorkeling in order to
photograph some of the local marine life. "And no one thought to use their
smart-phones," said Louis Simmons, the facility's accountant.
How do we know this new pattern exists? I'm going to have to
give them the benefit of the doubt. More than ten people saw it and they've
been at this for years.
Below is a simulated image of the new pattern alongside the
existing classic one. I can't really tell, but these guys know their stuff.
-Luther
They study snowflakes in the Bahamas?
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