Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Snowflakes No Longer Boring

The fact that every snowflake contains the exact same crystallized pattern may have been shattered by researchers in the Bahamas last month. In a lab, in a massive cold room, ice and snow experts have been attempting to create an original snowflake for over 34 years, without success...until now.

Two unnamed Russian cold-fusion science majors, on a visit to the island lab, got stinking drunk and, after punching two lab techs in the face, gained access to the top secret cold room and began pushing buttons and throwing switches at random. "You want new ice flake, I give you one (laughing wildly)", one of the Russians, the smaller of the two, was reported to have said. His larger companion then shoved a protesting tech over a large snowman, turned to an important control panel, and brought his fist down onto several crucial knobs and toggles. A predictable shower of sparks erupted from the data banks, and almost immediately a fresh burst of snow began to fall.

An undisclosed source from the scene claims that there was something decidedly different about this snowfall."You could just feel it, you know? We all just stared, even the Russian guys. It was like electricity was sizzling the air, but made of snow, you know?", the source stated. "All of us grabbed our special equipment and analyzed the new flakes at once, and we knew what we had. These two dolts come in here, shit-boxed, and accomplish what we've tried to do for over three decades...we had our new snowflake pattern. It was amazing."

Both Russian scientists were given high ranking positions with the facility and are now attempting to recreate the success of that evening. the tragedy is that no images were captured of the new pattern, the lab was only equipped with two Nikon digital cameras, which, earlier in the day, were destroyed when the two Russians took them snorkeling in order to photograph some of the local marine life. "And no one thought to use their smart-phones," said Louis Simmons, the facility's accountant.

How do we know this new pattern exists? I'm going to have to give them the benefit of the doubt. More than ten people saw it and they've been at this for years.

Below is a simulated image of the new pattern alongside the existing classic one. I can't really tell, but these guys know their stuff.


1 comment:

  1. They study snowflakes in the Bahamas?