What's Happening to the Cork Tree?

 Nobody is quite sure what's happening to the cork tree, only about eight hundred of them are left in the wild, and nearly fourteen thousand in captivity.This has leading scientists concerned about the effect it will have on the bulletin board industry. Without this precious spongy material, teachers, moms, and organized children would need to rely on an artificial surface to pin their memos. One such replacement is a rubber like material, much like what the wine industry uses for their bungs. Since wine bottles use rubber bungs and screw caps exclusively now, they are obviously not the source of the cork shortage. The rubber bulletin board is very popular as a replacement, and an independent study showed that when replaced with the artificial material, people just stopped using pins and paper memos altogether, choosing refrigerator magnets and dry erase boards to relay messages. "I like dry erase boards better anyway, cork boards always dry out and crumble," a leading mom and amateur archeologist from Los Angeles, CA. says.

As to the disappearance of the cork tree, biologists have several theories: the wild tit may be using the tree as soft bedding once chewed and spat out; it could be a possible food source for apes and beetles; as well as a biological strain of Auto Immune Deficiency Syndrome that affects plant life and some species of stone and metal, particularly zinc alloys and many noble gases. None of this is confirmed, just pure speculation and conjecture.  One scientist agreed to speak with us, he wasn't the first choice but we didn't have much to choose from.

"One of the problems is that not a single scientist has conducted any field research on the subject. It's all been word of mouth and rumors," says leading entomologist Michael Kohne of the Catholic Science Institute in Cork, Ireland. "Nobody really has time. It's not that big of a deal," says another source close to the cork industry. We speculate that some cork experts agree, and some Disagree.

Another concern is the durability of the tree itself, cork is very squishy and an entire tree made out of it tends to flop over and rot easily. The tree is also very finicky about water; half the year it needs at least 92 gallons of liquid H20 a day to keep it tumescent, and the other half it requires a great deal of snow and ice buildup that hardens around the trunk to keep it standing. The water isn't always available in those forms or quantities. So the tree will probably disappear within the next year or two according to our best guess.

The global cork industry is tremendously concerned about the depletion of the tree, but says it's production line won't skip a beat because there are plenty of alternatives. Walt Knutson, the CEO of Cork.products.net claims that they weren't going to be using it much longer anyway, and their new website name was slated to change to Synthetic.products.org. in 2013.

A shame. Cork is a cool looking tree, but it seems to be of very little use to modern day industry.

-Luther

The Binocular Deception

Do you remember the last time you looked through a pair of binoculars? Neither did I. Apparently, the last time we did, we weren’t seeing what we thought we were seeing; at least if what we were trying to see was more than 50 yards away. So I bought a pair at the swap meet recently, took them up to the observation deck, picking several targets at various distances on the horizon.

My first target was an old spruce down the slope, about 15 yards away. I took off my glasses and trained the binoculars on the tree, focused, looked again with the naked eye, and back once more through the binoculars. Satisfied with what I’d seen, I went inside the pool room, got dressed, then went back outside and hiked down to the spruce. Everything was as I’d seen it from the deck. There were leaves, bark, branches; everything you’d normally associate with a tree.  After making a few notes, I headed back to the house to make dinner; we were expecting guests, so my experiment would have to wait until morning.

At 7AM.  I resumed the binocular experiment, gathering up my equipment, I went back to the deck. My next target was a parked car on the street about 45-50 yards away. I repeated what I’d done with the tree, and then went inside for a quick shower and some toast. A half hour later I was in the jeep and headed for the parked car.

Upon arrival, I immediately noticed some differences in the car now that I was only a few feet away. There was quite a noticeable difference in color; the car, from the perspective of the binoculars, was clearly dark red. In reality, it was a dark to medium blue. At first I wondered if I was remembering correctly, a quick glance at my field notes told me I was. There were other problems with the picture I thought I’d seen. I also thought the car was a four door sedan, but it was actually a two door hatchback. A few other minor differences aren’t worth mentioning here, but it was all a little unsettling.

Back at the observation deck I took a look at the car again, and then compared them to the photos I’d taken at the scene. The differences were confirmed. I jotted down the data and went inside for a light lunch.

That afternoon I chose a target 150 yards from my deck. It looked to be a group of National Guardsmen running through field maneuvers in a large clearing. I guessed they were from the military base a few miles north. There were two tanks, a Hummer, about six soldiers and a command tent. On second glance, there was also a three foot orange goblin chasing an unidentified red object; at least that’s what it looked like. I chalked it up to exhaustion. I noted everything I saw, showered, packed a snack, and hopped back into the jeep and made for the field.

My surprise was overwhelming as I pulled into the clearing, which was actually a park. There were two SUV’s parked on the grass, a little boy riding a blue and grey pedal car, two men, two women standing under a foldout awning placed over a picnic bench, and a girl, who looked to be around six, throwing a yellow Frisbee to a huge Irish setter.

I sat down, visibly shaken,  ate the cheese and apples from my backpack, and set my glasses down, scrubbing at my eyes for a moment. I considered asking the families if they’d seen a small military compliment in the park, but I already knew their answer. It was obviously the binoculars.

Throughout the next few weeks I made numerous inquiries with several binocular manufacturers, to no avail. It was one excuse after another, no one would speak with me, and I was at a dead end. I also repeated the experiment with other models I was able to get at a yard sale and an estate sale, all with equally bizarre results.

More reports as I look a little deeper

-Luther

Why is NASA Sending a Penny to Mars?

Rover Curiosity fires dart at alien life-form (off screen).

Last November NASA launched the Curiosity Rover, It's scheduled for an August 2012 touch down on the red planet. On this latest mission to Mars, there's an unusual passenger, a 1909 VDB one cent coin is attached to a small plaque connected to the end of Curiosity's robotic arm. "Why would they send a hundred year old penny to Mars?", you're asking. Simple. To determine whether or not an alien culture exists.

Most are familiar with the face shape on Mars, discovered in 1909 by Simon Newcomb, An astronomer who died that same year. His discovery was dismissed by the Astrophysics community and was forgotten altogether shortly after Newcomb's death. In 1976 the face was rediscovered by several interns, which led to the face being imaged by Viking 1. Some believe this face is the work of an ancient Martian culture, but no proof of this exists to date.

It's hoped the penny will attract, what is believed to be by some experts, a subterranean Martin society. The face of Abraham Lincoln has been compared to the Marian face for years and is nearly identical, except for the fact that Lincoln's face is in profile. Astronomers believe that if Lincoln was facing forward, his copper image is a dead-ringer for the Martian monument. The coin will be projected onto a cliff wall in hopes of drawing out a curious Martian inhabitant from its underground lair.

NASA hopes the Rover Curiosity will have the opportunity to fire a small, specialized dart into the alien, in hopes of obtaining a sample of its DNA. The brain would be an ideal target, a sample of Martian brain tissue would be an added bonus. The firing mechanism used will be controlled remotely by a NASA weapons specialist, their timing will have to be perfect, since they'll be firing blindly. NASA will rely on the crunch of steps on the sand, light sensitive solar panels, and the heavy breathing of an alien that lives on a planet with a much lighter atmosphere than Earth. They also hope the Martian will call out with details of the its discovery to others waiting curiously at the cave's entrance. The chances of success are slim, and NASA experts are confident. "No problem," boasts Harris Felix, NASA's Rover Curiosity's trigger-man.

August is less than six months away, so NASA has only a few short months for final preparation. Exciting developments indeed.

-Luther

Video courtesy of NASA.

Dr. R. Ranes interview

An excerpt from the upcoming interview with Dr. Ronnie Ranes in the rigorous, widely respected Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

JPSP: I notice you have the same "I Want to Believe" poster in your office as Fox Mulder from the X-Men.  

RR: X-Files, actually. But who's counting? (laughs)

JPSP: (laughs) Now you've got me laughing. Your laugh is infectious.

RR: Not literally, I hope.

RR/JPSP: (combined laughter)

RR: I'm just going to come out and say it, I love Bigfoot!  I love the idea of Bigfoot, the movies, commercials, blogs, books and board games -- I love it all! 

JPSP: (laughs) What? You're kidding right?

RR: Not exactly. Bigfoot is a passion of mine, albeit a dangerous one in my line of work.

JSPS: Because you're an anthropologist?

RR: Yes.

JPSP: Bigfoot must go over like gangbusters in the lab. 

RR: As you can imagine I get a tremendous amount of teasing from my colleagues because, in the world of real science, Bigfoot has as much place as leprechauns. In the world of real science there are no leprechauns and there is no Bigfoot.  

JSPS: I would expect so.

RR: And even though I love Bigfoot, I am not a believer. Even in my Bigfoot lovin' world Bigfoot is nonsense. Fun nonsense but nonsense nonetheless.

JSPS: Thank goodness. I thought I was going to have to call my editor.

RR/JPSP: (combined laughter)

RR: Like most people I learned at a very early age that there is no evidence that Bigfoot exists. None. Not now, not ever. No proof today and no evidence in the fossil record. 

JSPS: No smoke, no fire.

RR: Exactly. It doesn't matter to me though, I still love the big hairy guy. 

JSPS: So I noticed. Is that a Bigfoot doll on your bookcase?

RR: It's the Bionic Bigfoot action figure from the Six Million Dollar Man. I never liked that they gave him a mustache.

JSPS: (laughs)

RR: Don't get me laughing again, please.

JSPS: Forgive me. You were talking about your love of Bigfoot.

RR: I love Batman too, but I don't spend one moment of my time trying to find the Batcave. Don't get me wrong I would love to visit the Batcave to see the Dark Knight's refrigerator-sized computers, stuffed Tyrannosaur and giant penny, but I know the Batcave isn't real because I can separate fact from fiction, and I can separate what I want to be real from what is real.

JSPS: Thank goodness for that.

RR: Now it seems like you're teasing me.

JSPS: I'm not. I just can't believe we're sitting here talking about Bigfoot.

RR: I guess my point is you can be interested in something without believing in it.

JSPS: Do you think your interest in Bigfoot hurts your reputation with the scientific community?

RR: Not at all. My colleagues can tease me all they want but at the end of the day they know I'm a scientist, not a lunatic. What science measures is quantitative. There is no quantifiable data to substantiate the existence of Bigfoot because Bigfoot is a legend. And there isn't a single solitary scientist on planet Earth who believes in Bigfoot. Not one.

JSPN: (gesturing to Bigfoot memorabilia) Not even you?

RR: (laughs) No, not even me.